I am posting this from my new laptop!!!!!!!!!! ^______^ yay!!!!!!!!!

Her name is Aurora!

Why do I always feel in the way or just a nuisance to everyone around me?


[/teen_angst_bull_shite]

I do not want to go in today. It's usually the busiest on Sundays from 12-6 and guess when I work...


12-6

Well, I woke up this morning crying my eyes out because I had a dream that both my parents died.

I worked out this morning with Crista. I'm going to try to go to the gym every day from now on and cut all the sweets out of my diet.

I'm overweight according to the weight and height charts...by like 5 lbs.

I got my hair cut. It's less than exciting, I know.

at least I'm writing at all. I'm in the swing of it, perhaps. I just painted my nails a ghastly color. I never paint my nails to begin with, and I painted them pink. *gasp* I am trying not to ruin the paint job by typing, but I find it hard to connect with my feminine side, so that's why I did it to begin with.

Things are okay, and Midori Days made me feel better. It is very enjoyable. If you haven't read any of them yet, you should.

My insomnia is gone! gone! gone! gone! YAYYY! I slept all night last night, no kidding. I didn't have any nightmares, either. That one day I was so pissed. It was the first time I slept in days and I had nightmares all night and woke up crying. So, yay, I'm back to normal. w00t. I'm waking up early, though. Oh well.

In other news, my job sucks and I had to stop myself from crying like three different times yesterday. ;_; I go in in less than an hour, and what am I doing? Sitting at my pc writing this in my pjs and I havent bathed or showered, haha. I usually dont before I go into work, but I feel grimy from sleeping. Maybe I won't feel like crying today since I'm rested.

Well, I think my insomnia spell might be broken. It's been so long since I've been able to sleep, then last night I was playing a game, and I almost fell asleep. So, as quickly as I could I turned the game off. I actually got a few hours of sleep last night without nightmares, too! :)

I have so much pent up anger it's unbelievable.

I think I'm going to try to be more spiritual and get in tact with my inner self or something bullshit like that.

I need to stop being so damn cynical and pessimistic. I somehow always feel better if something bad happens to me and I knew it was coming simply by being pessimistic. Somehow the blow isn't as hard.

Also, guys are seriously mentally ill. I want to kill them all. Screw the human race, I say we nuke them all(Jennifer, I agree.)

I am so bad about updating.

I think when I get comfy with the people on here I'll be able to post more personal stuff.

As for now, that's not going to happen.

I need to take a shower and get all cleaned up and ready to face the world today, but I just don't feel like it. I've been sitting at my computer all morning just staring at the monitor like something exciting is about to happen, but nothing exciting has happened. Boo. I'm a very boring person, I'm sorry.

I got home last night from my little trip. I had a nice time when I was there. I didnt tell you all I was going or where, for that matter. I'll get around to it someday.

I slept all the night for the first time in months and had nightmares the whole time. Tell me if I do not have shite for luck. :(

Work is getting better. It's not as stressful. I'm really glad, too, but some people have been quitting or getting fired, so there are never the same people around.

So, yesterday I got this brilliant idea. I could trade in my XBOX and get the money from that so my ps2 wouldnt be that expensive. Along with my games, the console itself, and my GBA that I never play since the DS came out I racked up $99, not to mention I had my buddy buy it with his employee discount, not to mention there was this deal going on, and a coupla other things.

I payed $8 for a ps2 and KH. Are you freakin kidding me? How can you beat that? You can't even buy a pizza with that much money! ^_^

I just watched the first episode of Bleach. I was thinking, "how is there more than this?" until the end, and now I'm hooked, haha. Last night I watched Grave of the Fireflies. It was really sad. If my mind hadn't been on other things I would've cried. Sometimes I think I should learn Japanese so I don't have to watch anime with subtitles. I loathe dubbing.

Believe it or not I've never seen Princess Mononoke before. My friend let me borrow it, and I think I'm gonna watch it when I get off work tonight at 6. Work yesterday wasn't so bad, but I know since today is Sunday it will be. We will be swamped. I probably won't get out of there until 7 or something stupid.

Yeah, I'm so stoked to get a ps2. I waited this whole time to just get a ps3 that way I could play all three consoles games on one system, but not for $600, you know? Screw that. My friend works at GameStop, and he said if I buy a used one with him I can get a discount, and it would turn out to only be about $80 something. XD Thursday, baby!

I get my first pay check this coming Thursday. I'm really excited. It probably won't be that much, but I already have about $150 saved up from graduation money, haha. The only graduation money out of like $600 that I saved. Go me.

I sent my dad like 5 e-mails telling him which laptops I like, because he promised he would get me one for school next year and as a grad. gift. He still hasn't gotten it for me. That's alright, though, I guess. I hope he gets on that soon, not to sound bad, haha.

I've made a list of ps2 games I want, which is how I decided I will spend my remaining money. I'm gonna get my text books off half.com, and some of my friends said they would let me borrow their books, too, so I don't really have to worry about it too much. I also have a list of manga I would like to purchase. I found out that my friend Drake has a whole bunch of anime I have been wanting to see. I'm gonna steal his hard drive in a coupla days and just watch all of it, hahaha. XDDDD!!!!!!!!! oh...then give it back. So, really it's just borrowing. :)

Anyway, as for the games I want--I have a list, but I'm only gonna buy the ones I really want first. I think the first games I'm going to buy are Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts 2. I want to be able to play them back to back.

UUUGHH. I need a valium before I go into work today. I only work 4-9, though, so that is good. :) I still feel like all my coworkers hate me. :( They always give me this attitude like they're so much better than me. I know they all hate me, is all. :( I need to switch with someone so I can have the 5th off. Jonathan wants me to go back home with him. His home is a good 2 hours away or something. I really wanna go, so I'm gonna see what I can do about getting that off. Then I can find someone who doesn't want to work Friday or something, and I can work for them on Friday. XDD I hope it works.

Today I went and visited Jennifer and Jonathan. I had a pretty good day overall. I have a whole bunch of KH music now on my computer. I'm very happy. I can't decide what to do with my first paycheck this week. My options are as follows:
---save for books(school this fall)
---save in general for moving out later
---get a ps2 and some games
---get a ds lite[someone stole my ds :(]
---trick out my pc
---buy some sick shit for my soon-to-be laptop

YOU:
[ name ]: Mary
[ nicknames ]: Just Mary usually. My mom calls me Pumpkin and Marsidotes.
[ birthday ]: 4-21-88
[ born in]: Columbus, OH
[ age ]: 18
[ eye color ]: Blue
[ height ]: 5'2 and a half
[ nationality ]: boring
[ astrological sign ]: Taurus
[ location ]: home
[ siblings ]: if I have any siblings I don't know about them
[ pets ]: none...my mom gave my cat away
[ in the morning i'm ]: online
[ all i need is ]: love? 0_o
[ love is ]: all I need
[ if i could see one person right now it would be]: no one right now.
[ i'm afraid of ]: clowns and spiders
[ i dream about ]: travelling
HAVE YOU EVER?
[ pictured your crush naked? ]: er...no...o_o
[ actually seen your crush naked? ]: no
[ been in love? ]: Yes
[ has someone said 'i love you' and meant it? ]: how would I know if they really meant it?
[ cried when someone died? ]: no, I laugh. o_o
[ lied? ]: Yes
[ kicked someone in the nuts? ]: on accident
[ stolen anything? ]: nothing important
[ smoked? ]: I plead the 5th
[ done drugs?]: Yes(I'm counting everything. Even caffeine.)
[ drank? ]: Yes
[ cheated on someone? ]: Yes, but it's complicated
[ fallen for your best friend? ]: Yes
[ made out with just a frend? ]: This is making me look really bad
[ been rejected? ]: Yes
[ rejected someone? ]: Yes
[ been in lust? ]: Yes
[ used someone? ]: No
[ been used? ]: I feel like it
[ been cheated on? ]: Yes
[ been kissed? ]: Yes
[ done something you regret? ]: Yes

FAVORITE

[ food? ]: Anything with pasta or noodles
[ fruit? ]: Plum
[ candy? ]: 5th ave. bars
[ color? ]: Blue
[ number? ]: 4
[ animal? ]: bear
[ drink? ]: Orangina(but I can't get it in the U.S. Oh, but if I can, someone tell me!)
[ soda? ]: I don't like soda too much anymore
[ book? ]: The Catcher in the Rye
[ room? ]: er...my own
[ movie? ]: Ghost World

DO YOU?

[ habla espanol? ]: Non
[ color your hair? ]: I have before
[ write in cursive or print? ]: Both
[ sleep with stuffed animals? ]: Yes
[ have a boyfriend/girlfriend? ]: No
[ like cleaning? ]: Only on certain OCD rampages
[ have a tattoo? ]: pleading the 5th once again
[ have any piercings]: Yes
[ cheat on test/homework?]: Who hasn't?
[ drink/smoke? ]: Not really
[ swear a lot? ]: You have no idea
[ like watching sunrises or sunset? ]: emo
[ pray? ]: No
[ go to church? ]: No
[ have secrets? ]: Yes
[ have a best friend? ]: I have a couple
[ like your own handwriting?]: sometimes

ARE YOU?

[ obsessive? ]: yes
[ able to live without the computer? ]: i would die
[ bored? ]: I'm doing this stupid thing
[ happy? ]: a little, I guess
[ missing someone? ]: Yes
[ confused? ]: No
[ tired? ]: A little bit
[ mad? ]: Yes
[ sleepy? ]: tired and sleepy...they are the same thing, no?

DO YOU EVER?

[ stay on waitin for someone special to IM you? ]: Pathetically enough, yes.
[ save msn conversations? ]: Nope, but I should. Someone wants to kill me.
[ wish you were a member of the opposite sex? ]: Not really, but sometimes.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON WHO?

[ you talked to on the phone? ]: Brian, a guy I work with.
[ you hugged? ]: Jonathan
[ you instant messaged? ]: Jennifer
[ instant messaged you? ]: Jennifer
[ sent you an e-mail? ]: Sean
[ you laughed with? ]: Jennifer
[ slept in your bed? ]: Me
[ you shared a drink with? ]: what kind of drink?
[ you went to the movies with? ]: um...Alene and them
[ yelled at you? ]: Shay
[ you called? ]: Work...and I talked to Brian^
[ you kicked? ]: er...no one, i hope
[ you saw? ]: Jonathan

WHO IS?

[ the most handsome person you know? ]: hmmm...that's a hard one ^_-
[ the funniest person you know? ]: dunno
[ the loudest person you know? ]: don't know
[ the quietest person you know? ]: do not know
[ the sweetest person you know? ]: too many of my friends are sweet
[ the most serious person you know? ]: probably myself
[ your best friend(s)? ]: Jennifer and Crista
[ the person you hate the most? ]: I don't even have to say
[ the person you see most? ]: Crista

WHAT IS?

[ the first thing you thought of when you woke up ]: I'm still alive! Yay!
[ song that describes you? ]: I'll think about this one
[ your best feature? ]: dare I say
[ missed memories.. ]: none, haha

IN THE FUTURE

[ what is the age you hope to get married? ]: never. it's not a goal of mine
[ number and names of kids? ] for their sakes, none
[ where do you see yourself at age 20? ]: in college
[ describe your dream wedding? ]: I don't have dreams about getting married
[ when and how do you want to die? ]: the least painful way...i dont' want to die
[ what are you career plans? ]: something dealing with psychology
[ someplace youd like to visit? ]: I'd like to see all 50 states before I do anymore travelling in Europe

WHAT ARE YOUR OPINIONS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?

[ best eye color? ]: Hazel, green, or blue
[ best hair color? ]: as dark as hair can get
[ short or long hair? ]: I like shaved heads and I like long hair
[ best height? ]: as long as he's a little taller than me
[ best weight? ]: Don't care
[ best first date location? ]: er...don't really care
[ best first kiss location? ]: o_o
[ describe your perfect other? ]: not a moron
[ what do you notice first? ]: personality, then eyes and hair
[ last person you slow danced with? ]: I suck at dancing

LAST TIME

[ last time you went out of state? ]: A month ago
[ last time you were outside? ]: Last night
[ last time you had a snowball fight? ]: Gee, I don't know
[ last time you were listening to music? ]: right now

OTHER

[ how many pplsz are on your buddylist? ]: 41
[ what hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? ]: emotional
[ have you felt this recently? ]: yes
[ what do you wear to bed? ]: pjs
[ when's the last time you slept with a stuffed animal? ]: Last night XD
[ have you ever played ouija board? ]: A coupla weeks ago
[ how many rings before you pick up the phone? ]: depends
[ how many schools have you gone to? ]: 4
[ would you shave your head for $5,ooo? ]: hell yeah

NUMBER...

[of times i have had my heart broken?]: I've lost count

[of hearts i have broken?]: how would I know?

[of boys i have kissed?]: ROFL

[of girls i have kissed?]: None

[of drugs taken illegally?]: teehee

[of tight friends?]: Just a couple

[of cd's that i own?]: too many, but most of my music is on my pc. so, i got rid of the cds after that.

[of things in my past that i regret?]: 45,000


OTHER.THINGS.

[i know]: lots of things

[i want]: to sleep better

[i have]: a lousy job

[i wish]: I could quit my lousy job

[i hate]: lots of things

[i miss]: someone

[i fear]: lots of things

[i hear]: music?

[i love]: er...things...

[i care]: this is creeping me out!

[i always]: ...

[i dance]: <.<

[i cry]: o_o

[i do not always]: >.>

[i confuse]: !!!!

[i can usually be found]: :*(

[i need]: -_-

[ever played a game that involved removing clothing]: what?!!!!!!!!!!

[if so, when and with who]: N/A

[favorite place to be kissed?]: my ass///?

[have you ever been caught "doing something"?]: What is that something?


ARE YOU A...

[wuss]: No

[druggie]: No!

[gang member]: No

[daydreamer]: Yes

[alcoholic]: No

[freak]: er...no

[brat]: No

[sarcastic]: Yes

[shy]: sometimes

[talkative]: always

Boy, I need to get in the habit of writing on here. It's just that I have another journal in real life that I just started, and it's just such a pain in the ass to have to write in both, haha. :) I'll try to make it a habit to write in here first, though. It takes so much longer to write everything all out than to type it.

I'm sitting here marvelling at the fact that I used to like MSI(Mindless Self Indulgence.) All their songs are so foul and just packed full of cussing. Even I don't even cuss that much, haha.

I have to be at my new job in a couple of hours. I'm going to be starting at Subway. I'm kind of nervous, because I think 1:30-6 would be one of the busiest times to have to work. At least my whole evening is still open to go out and have fun! Hahah.